


you are the victim of your friend's bad decision-making

by artsyspikedhair



Series: nonono, your brain shouts out as you remember the tragedy you're forced to call your life [3]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Ableism, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Autism, Autistic Grantaire, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Grantaire Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Other, POV Second Person, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad Grantaire, This Fic Can Help With Latin Homework, Trans Enjolras, Trans Grantaire, Trans Male Character, mentions of illness, mentions of vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 09:34:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8051239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyspikedhair/pseuds/artsyspikedhair
Summary: You are Grantaire, it is three months into the school year, and you hate your life.





	you are the victim of your friend's bad decision-making

You are Grantaire, it is three months into the school year, and you hate your life. You are failing math and physics. You are still getting almost no rest, although you have plenty of sleep. You think it would not be inaccurate to call your life a mess at this point. 

Your life had, ironically, been getting better. You and Enjolras, in spite of the argument you had had in the past September, were slowly becoming acquaintances. He had started a social justice club at school as well (surprise, surprise!), and you, though you'd never admit it, kind of enjoyed doing something useful with your life for once. But then, as all good things do, it fell apart. 

You've never really been a math and science person. You have always known this, and so you expected your parents to as well. But when your first mid-term report card came home, there was quite a bit of surprise in your family. Your father was disappointed in you, but you didn't mind that. You were used to his silent disapproval. It was your mother that screamed at you, talking about a lack of priorities and how you'll never get anywhere in life with grades like those. She was just so loud and it reminded you of Azelma, the girl who beat you the way her father did her. You had never been scared of your mother before, but after that night in October, you couldn't not be. There was plenty of yelling after that, and you are fairly certain she has hit your father a few times. You stay silent, and stay out of her way whenever possible.

And you still have to deal with Liam going to the same school as you. You don't have any classes with him, thank God, but you see him in the hallways and before classes started when you'd go into the cafeteria to talk to Joly. You've had many panic attacks in the boys' bathroom, and walk in a constant flinch. But you still have friends and a life and all sorts of great things. 

But now, that life you have is falling apart. It is 2:45 on a Wednesday, time for the new social justice club Enjolras made, and your life has been ruined by Jehan. Jehan, who has spent many days telling you all about his perfect new boyfriend, but never gave you his name. Jehan, who write poems almost worthy of being published. Jehan, your artist friend with a horrible fashion sense and even worse taste in boys. He had dated Montparnasse, for fuck's sake, and gotten so addicted to weed he had to be hospitalized. This was a sweet, trusting boy whom you have always loved, but in his instant, you hate him. Because he is holding the hand of the boy who molested you. 

You cannot run away. You cannot move. You are frozen, terrified, back in that horrible moment on Liam's bedroom carpet, and this is not happening. This cannot be happening, Jehan would never do that to you But there's that twisted grin, looking evilly at the innocent Jehan, who is mistaking his look of want as a look of love. You reason, in that terrible, excruciating moment, that Jehan doesn't know. Joly and Bahorel are both absent today, and you are alone, and you are crying. You avoid his eyes, the cold blue eyes that haunt your nightmares. This is Hell, and you are in the seventh circle. 

You can suddenly move again, and you get up and run. You accidentally slam the door behind you, and can overhear Liam asking what your deal is. There is no one to run after you, no one who can warn Jehan that he has made the worst mistake of his life, no one who can comfort you. You find an empty stairwell, and hide under it. Your body responds surprisingly quickly to distress, and your binder along with the crying is making it hard to breathe. You aren't sure you want to breathe anymore. Your friends, your safe people, the only thing you believe in has been tainted by an incident you aren't sure is actually as bad as you are remembering. You could be over-reacting, fucking yourself up over nothing, but you can feel his hands on your shoulder, and his foot inside you, and this is real this is real this is the only real thing you know. Your friends don't know, and you don't know what to do about that. 

You eventually get home somehow, a mess of snot and puffy eyes that the upperclassmen stared at on the bus. You message the Eagle, explaining what has gone down, but he doesn't answer. You go on Tumblr to distract yourself, and eventually your mother comes home and screams about what a wreck you are, and you realize you haven't done your homework. You escape the verbal assault by way of your room, bullshit your English, and halfway through cheating on Latin when Joly messages you. "Hey I heard that Liam showed to up to the Musain meeting. You okay?" 

The fear you have half-buried is alive again. You type back a quick no before writing in praeclarius as Latin for reward. You will find out tomorrow the word is praemium, but you cannot think of anything give less of a shit about right now than Latin. You explain to Joly. "He's dating Jehan. I want to protect the bean, but can't talk about what happened." Joly types back that he can't help, he just puked up blood and needs a doctor. You then give up on Latin and fall asleep, preparing for a night full of more vivid nightmares than any you have ever had before. 

You wake up late, and run out the door. You have Latin first, and Enjolras is in your class. You have decided, because he already doesn't like you and you also kind of revealed yourself in September, to tell him. You pass his a note. "Enjolras, I need to tell you something." 

Enjolras writes back "Why did you leave the meeting early? You looked like you had seen a ghost. I would have chased after you, but I wanted to welcome Jehan's boyfriend." 

Your pulse quickens You hadn't thought anyone had noticed, the mention of Liam makes a shiver go down your spine. You hide the scrap of notebook paper under your work and begin declining soror, sororis, f. Once you are certain Mr. Bieneveau's eyes are off of you, you write back. You know Bieneveau is the nicest teacher in the school, but even he has limits, and you are scared enough as it is. You pass Enjolras the note; within it is written "it's about him. Liam is a bad person, and I don't want Jehan to get hurt." 

Enjolras' eyes widen, and he risks a whisper. "He seemed so nice!"" You shake your head, thoughts racing. Enjolras isn't going to believe you, why would he believe you? Nobody believes a cynical, mentally ill trans boy over an attractive, well-liked, neurotypical cis guy. You begin flapping your hands, a stim you use to calm yourself. Enjolras is actually working by the time you get the nerve to write again. 

"he isn't. he ~~raped ~~~~~~" it wasn't rape, you remind yourself. Or, well, you don't know. Your pants were on but you were penetrated. You decided on it and keep going. "sexually assaulted me in seventh grade." You hand it to him, shaking. You've never told anyone you can remember before. You think this is a bad decision. This is a bad decision. The bell rings and Enjolras shoves the note in his pocket. You know he will read it next class. You, on the other hand, are going to skip class for the first time. You're just too anxious and being in class would make you suicidal, you can tell.

You spend the next half hour in the courtyard, practicing the ASL homework you had forgotten. You do not get caught. You find some senior friends and spend the rest of the morning with them, not realizing you've missed math, physics, and wellness. You don't give a shit though. 

The next thing you know, it is lunch and Jehan and Liam are arguing, from the looks of it. You feel really, really guilty, but a weight in your chest had metaphorically lifted. Enjolras finds you, and apologizes again for September. "I never would have known..." You wave it off. 

"It's fine. Did you tell him?" 

"I showed him the notes. Was that okay?" 

You are not used to people knowing your dark and troubled past. You are not used to even having a dark and troubled past, but you trust Jehan. You nod. You are still not okay, in any sense of the word, but soon enough you will be. Maybe talking will be good for you. You doubt it, but maybe.


End file.
